Regrets
by Megan J. Forest
Summary: Everyone has regrets, even Gods have. But they deal with them is differently like us, humans. It is easy to them. Or not? M for future chapters
1. Chapter 1

Nana wasn't exactly satisfied with her new master. After her previous master, Arahabaki left, she had nothing to do, but watching the sleeping, badly injured body of Bishamon. The goddess was in a sad state. She was almost fully covered with plasters and bandages. The little skin, which was visible were black from blight. The marks weren't from Nana. The old man, with one eye and gray beard told it to the new Hafuri, when he brought some food for her. They were probably from the Lady's other Hafuri.

From Kazuma.

Nana didn't know his name from the old man. Bishamon murmured this name over and over, although, she didn't regain consciousness. The goddess's sleep were far from peaceful. She didn't move, she was too ill for moving, but her whimpers were the proof of her inner struggles. Her mumbles weren't coherent at all, words were barely understandable, but that one name "Kazuma" was the only thing she repeated clearly again and again. At this point her voice was full with concern. It didn't seem like she blamed him for anything. She was simply calling him. Calling to the point of imploring.

It was a bit disappointing. Not a bit. A goddess prostrating herself before a mere Regalia? It was ridiculous. Too ridiculous. Outrageous! So Nana decided to leave her new pitiful master in the arms of her nightmares, and started to discover her new home. Carefully at first, but she didn't need to be cautious. The other Regalias had already accept her, and were just as curious, as Nana was. They were all worried of their master's health, and asked her if she had known about it. But Nana couldn't tell them more, than the old, gray-bearded man. They were sad for a bit, but picked themselves up, and tried to smile. Just to help for their master.

It was confusing and impressive at the same time. It was more impressive, when she learned about Bishamonten, and her family of Regalias. Nana never experienced this before. The closeness of them were mesmerizing. They were all dedicated their lives to their goddess, and they were proud of her! Even the small children. From their stories Nana started to know her new master better, and became to able to understand Bishamon's behavior. Not the side of the goddess, but the side of the woman. It was as clear as the summer sky. The secret, she wanted to hide from everybody, and her regalias were kind enough to never told her, they had already knew.

She was in love with her first exemplar.

Unfortunately, this love was one-sided. Nana learned form the other regalias, that Kazuma had never shown any sign of love for Bishamon, except the greatest loyalty. But as the days went by, and the new Blessed Vessel learned more and more, she slowly, from piece to piece put the whole story together. The story of a goddess' great love. Living together for tens of years with one man, and suddenly getting new regalias. But what kind of regalias? Two tiny girls. It seemed like Bishamon wanted to give a proper family for her Kazuma. She couldn't give him real children, so she gave him small regalias, to get the feeling. Her efforts weren't successful, and after a few years she started to expand their family. Since she failed to make a single person happy, she made regalia from every soul, they met. Even if they were torn, and useless. Just to prove him, that she was a great goddess. It seemed she failed again. Kazuma didn't fell in love with her.

On the contrary, he betrayed her! But her love survived his betrayal. She suffered so much after he was exiled. But she was suffering much more, when she almost killed him. After a serious ablution she wasn't even willing to have a bath, just run to his sickbed and sticked herself to the chair. She only took a quick shower because of her female regalias' joined effort. In Kazuma's bathroom, to not leave his side needlessly for a single minute. As the girls told Nana, her gaze was always toward Kazuma's face.

Her efforts failed again. When Kazuma awoke, he wanted to immediately leave her. Seriously. She somehow managed to talk him out of his idea, and made him her exemplar again. It was a hard deal. So they stayed together, but being acquaintance with the Goddess of Poverty and the God of Calamity was a simple receipt for the next guaranteed disaster, even if she was protected by a bunch of Gods of Luck. He killed one of her regalias. Nobody knew why. Nana knew. The regalia learned about her past, and went crazy because of it. It was a proper thing to kill her, her state was probably beyond repair. Kazuma was right. But Nana didn't share this knowledge with the others. She decided it alone. The other regalias were weak. Much more weaker than she was. They didn't live enough as regalias, to forget their Near-shore life so easily. Learning about their Near-shore life would be fatal for them. So she stayed silent, and listened to the story. The goddess forgave Kazuma again, even if she suffered again. But their relationship damaged a bit. They started to fell apart, and kept a certain distance.

This time she betrayed him.

She did it for concern. Nana knew. She probably wanted to leave him out of the thunder of disaster. But she failed again. Kazuma knew her, and easily found her. Nana dimly remembered his face, his behavior. He was a nice guy. The best partner for Bishamon. She knew it immediately, when the goddess in the heat of the battle refused him. Nana remembered Bishamon's tears when she rejected him. Her pain was unmistakable. Nana didn't paid much attention to that pain, they were in a middle of a battle. But she remembered the pain. The pain of a woman in love.

Nana returned Bishamon's room, as always in the evenings. She got a room next to her new master's, and Bishamon still didn't regain any consciousness, somehow she liked to spent some time with her, while the other regalias changed the Lady's bandages. They were careful, not without any reason. The scars were more or less healed, but the blight marks remained. The women washed those marks gently with cleansing water. It gave some relief from the pain and lessened Lady's wailing. For a short amount of time.

Nana stayed, after they left. She wanted to give her some time to be alone. The other regalias accepted her as their new leader, while Kazuma was away. She was also a Blessed Vessel after all. Nana asked them to search for him. She didn't know what to do with a such big family of regalias, her predecessor surely knew. It was his family after all. Nana simply didn't know. Not ever her own future. She wanted to asked Bishamon. That's why she asked the others to keep a certain distance from their Lady. She waited for her to wake up.

Nana was lucky. After the others left, and the room finally became silent, her new master opened her eyes.

"Kazuma?"

It was her first question again.

"Just me, Nana."

"Oh!"

Her frustration was inevitable. Nana suddenly recognized, that she became attached to her Lady.

"Sorry, not to fulfill your wish."

"Don't mind. This life is quite bearable after all."

"Do you like it here?"

Nana nodded. Bishamon gave her a weak smile.

"How long…"

"Two weeks."

"Kazuma?"

"He is not here."

"Where is he?"

"I don't know."

The lady remained silent. She closed her eyelids, and teardrops poured down on her cheeks.

"Do you love him so much?" Asked Nana suddenly.

Bishamon didn't answer. Her new regalia climbed next to her, and stroked her head to soothe her emotional pain.

"Stay away, it will spread to you."

The lady meant the blight, but it was a weak plea instead of a harsh order. She needed Nana's solace.

"Do you love him so much?" Asked Nana again.

"He left me", she replied with a teary voice."It is my fault."

"He probably thinks that it is his fault", corrected Nana, judging by the amount of blight marks on the Lady's body.

Bishamon couldn't reply, just stared at her, with open mouth. Her thoughts were not exactly straight, she was ill, after all.

"I...I...", she was unable to continue.

"You are in love with him", stated Nana gently, but firmly, and the Lady didn't deny.

"He left me..."

"It seems so."

They stayed in silence for minutes. Bishamon's tears were flowing, and Nana didn't stop caressing her head.

"Do you want him back?"

"Yeah..."

"Then do not die! He can't come back to you,if you die!"

"I am not planning..."

"You are blighted. Seriously. Who is the culprit?"

Bishamon closed her eyes, and refused to answer.

"I know, you know."

"I want him back!", she cried.

"In this case you have to survived until he comes."

"I love him. He is my treasured lo...regalia."

"Does he even love you? He left you."

"I love him, and that's enough!"

"Coward."

Bishamon's eyes were opened wide. Her new regalia told her that she was a coward? She was the god of war! Well temporarily, in bed with blight, but she was not a coward. But watching into Nana's gentle eyes, she recognized, she was. She never was brave enough to ask Kazuma about his feelings! She accepted his fondness, his pampering, she enjoyed his attention toward her. It was enough for her broken heart. She never mind his feelings, just wanted to be in an illusion of having his love also as a woman, not just as his goddess.

"I want him", stated firmly, but in sad tone, which sting into Nana's heart.

"I could help you..."

The ray of hope in Bishamon's eyes would melt icebergs, not just Nana's weak resistance. She wanted to help Bishamon anyway.

"It is a bit dangerous, and not sure in the end you got the answer you are waiting for!" warned her Lady.

"I want it! I don't care about the dangers!"

She grabbed Nana's stroking hand. She didn't beg, her wish was just a weak request. Weak, but firm.

"It's okay. Close your eyes!"

Nana started to croon a song, and made her mind hazy. The melody was unknown to Bishamon, but she felt it was old. Ancient. Before she recognized, that an unknown ancient spell would have been dangerous, her new regalia's song started to vibrate her whole body, making her to be sick. She could have vomit easily, but fortunately had nothing in her stomach. She lost all her strength, couldn't even open her eyes. It was impossible for her to stop Nana. Her body vibrated stronger as the song became louder. The pain became unbearable. She lost consciousness again.


	2. Chapter 2

High Sentinel Oushi was pleased, as she was ordered to summon Bishamonten to Heaven. Very pleased. She hated the traitor Goddess, and was glad she was ordered personally to pick her up. She was well aware, Amaterasu Oumikami forgave her and her companion, but Oushi had never been so lenient. Especially, after they learned, Bishamonten named a sealed Blessed Vessel. It was outrageous! How could she went against Heaven's order? Oushi didn't spend much time to search for an answer: Bishamon was a traitor, and both she and her new Blessed Vessel had to die. The necessity of this punishment was not questioned by Oushi. It was the best for everybody. It was to save the order of the world. What had to be done, had to be done. But she couldn't deny, this death sentence made her happy and satisfied.

Takamagahara was extraordinarily tranquil on that day, Bishamonten's manor was not an exception. Oushi knocked on the gateway and waited for patiently to let her in. But nobody came. She knocked once more, twice, and still wasn't any answer. She opened the gate herself, and stormed angrily into the mansion. Surprisingly, there weren't any regalia on the yard, not even inside. The whole manor was silent, although Bishamon always had a lot of regalias. This time none of them was available. There wasn't a single soul anywhere at all. Just the complete, and utter silence. The sentinel even heard the sound of her own footsteps painstakingly loud. She knew, where Bishamon's inner quarters were, so she headed to there alone. The door of the inner quarters of the goddess was wide open, and the room was empty. Oushi suspected, that Bishamonten and her regalias got a hint about the official summoning and escaped before their goddess could be punished. It made her angry. If she forced The High Sentinel to search her in all her temples, Bishamon wouldn't survive until to appear before Heaven. Oshi would kill her at the moment she find her. Well, a sentinel couldn't be wrong. A sentinel is a messenger of Heaven, and Heaven is absolute. So a sentinel is absolute too. Oushi was right. Or not. She didn't like the fact, she could make a mistake, but after further investigations she had to admit it. It made her angrier, than before, despite her rage was unnecessary. Bishamonten's bed was indeed empty, but covered with some blood, and bloody bandages, and the blanket was tossed to the end of the bed. There were blood, but not enough to presume a reincarnation. The goddess was badly injured in the fight with Heaven so this amount blood could come from those injuries. But after two weeks, the amount of blood seemed to be too much. Her injuries should have had to heal a lot during that time.

Why didn't she heal? The traces showed, the goddess stayed in the same state, she had been two weeks ago. If she didn't recover at all, she couldn't escape in that condition, maybe she wasn't able to move! So not a reincarnation, and not even a healing, where and how she escaped? Oushi was so immersed in her thoughts, that sudden small noise gave her a jump. She turned to the direction of the noise and she spotted a small child at the back of an armchair. The little girl was tiny, blond and naked. She didn't say a word, just watched the stranger with curious eyes. The sentinel's mind was alarmed her for a second, but she ignored the warning. The child was just a tiny regalia, who probably didn't know anything about the order of Heaven. She didn't even scared of the sentinel! Bishamonten sure gathered strange souls around her! Oushi went to her and asked who she was. The little child stared at the angry sentinel, and her forehead got wrinkled, but didn't answer, which made the already impatient sentinel angry. But the next moment the edges of her mouth went downward, and her eyes became teary. The raging woman frightened her, and after she was uplifted and shook by the older woman, the girl had had enough. Oushi didn't have time to open her mouth again. The girl stretched her right arm, and when the sentinel realized, she made a mistake, it was late. Too late. Oushi's body was paralyzed, and before she could chant a spell against the light, her body started to elongate, and marks were burned into her skin. She couldn't do anything, but roaring loud.

Takemikazuchi was not pleased at all, when he was ordered to summon Bishamonten to Heaven. He had his hands full with his own troublesome household. He made mistakes a lot, so now he had to relearn his regalias, and started to renew his relationship with his exemplar. It was a very heavy task for him, even with the help of Kiun. Well, Kiun's help was rather reluctant. Neither of them had the slightest clue how to readjust each other within the new situation. He didn't even know a thing of Kiun. He had to realize, his regalia was a total stranger to him, although he was his exemplar for a long time. Takemikazuchi wanted him to be a Blessed Vessel, just to be sure he could trust him. But it didn't work, and meanwhile he realized, his efforts just alienated Kiun. Well, every beginnings are though, but the beginning with formerly fighting people was hell. He was tired, frustrated and bitter. He needed someone to teach him about relationships, but finding such a person – it was over Takemikazuchi's pride. Although he tried.

Hence he even had to recover from Yatogami's Blessed Vessel's birthday party. That idiot god made a birthday party to his regalia! A birthday party for an already dead soul! Blessed Vessel or not, the boy was just a dead soul. What kind of birth could he has? Takemikazuchi didn't even understand the reason why, but he was fed up with his problems, and wanted to turn Kiun into a Blessed Vessel, so they went to the living realm to participate in the event. It was a horrible choice! Takemikazuchi didn't learn a thing. Well he enjoyed the party somewhat, and carefully observed the other gods with their regalias, and their relationship. But he still didn't understand a thing in connection with himself and Kiun. The others all seemed to get along with their regalias, but how? It was a great enigma for Takemikazuchi, and it made him angry.

The God of Poverty was adored by her regalia despite the poverty. Ebisu's exemplar wasn't really fond of his child master but he managed to raise his god in a quite satisfactory way. Tenjin's regalia was formerly Yato's regalia, but they also get along, although they were far to be in a good relationship. Hardships and hardships were everywhere he saw, but gods and regalias still managed get along with each other. He and his regalias were the only exception. How could the others make it? He couldn't even getting a hint. This made him angry, and strengthen his belief, that Yatogami and everything connected to him were worse than any calamity. All in all, he was already in a bad mood. So he wasn't happy at all, when this meaningless task from Heaven arrived. He didn't even understood, why he was sent there, Heaven have their own staff to do this kind of duty. Well, one of the high sentinels had already been sent to Bishamon, and that one was lost. Lost. Of course! Lost. A high sentinel! It was ridiculous. How could a strong high sentinel lost in Takamagahara? After half an hour of wandering in Bishamon's manor, and not meeting a single soul, he changed his mind.

" Maybe Oushi-sama is still here… " Kiun suggested, watching his master carefully.

" Yeah. Probably. She is died from starvation somewhere in this hellish, empty mansion, and nobody noticed! " Takemikazuchi grunted back.

" Are you hungry? "

Kiun was surprised that his master could think about eating. He was more worried. It seemed like Bishamon's household was eaten by a legion of ayakashi. There weren't a single trace to strengthen this theory, but the whole mansion was extincted, and silent, as a ghost house. " Like I could think about eating! " Takemikazuchi rattled. Kiun stayed silent. He didn't like his master's short temperament. He didn't even know how to regulate at all. So he chose to stay silent. There was no meaning to say a word, or starting a fight with his master, when he was in a bad mood. And Takemikazuchi was definitely in a bad mood.

" I just want to go home!"

" But you need to inform Bishamonten-sama about her summoning!"

" I know! " Cried the pissed off God. " Do you think…"

" Just show me where that bastard is, and... "

" You mean Nushi-sama?"

A child's voice suddenly interrupted the heated argument of the two man. The voice belonged to a small girl. She was a black-haired, dark skinned, young beauty.

" Where is your master? " Takemikazuchi roared at her.

" Ane-sama is in trouble " Told them the girl with teary eyes.

" And she will be in bigger trouble, if we couldn't make a contact with her!"

The little girl started crying, so loud, that she made even the God Of Thunder to retaliate. Kiun threw his master back and tried to soothe the little one, with the hope he could gauge a tiny bit of information out of the girl.

" Don't worry, please!" He stroked gently the girl's hair. " There won't be any trouble at all, just show us the way to Bishamonten-sama!"

A quarter of an hour and a lot of nice speech later the girl, Fumiha-chan stopped crying, and gave a weak smile for Kiun. She was willing to guide them to her Goddess' quarters, but when they arrived, she refused to step in. Nice words didn't work, menace either, and Takemikazuchi started to wind up himself, so Kiun allowed her to leave.

" Don't be so mean with a child!" He asked the red-faced God, after the little girl run out of sight.

" Why doesn't she enter the residence of her Goddess?" Answered his master rattled.

" Why didn't you ask her, instead of crying with her? Maybe it is forbidden to her."

With this Kiun successfully silenced him. He was right. Takemikazuchi should have had to asked her, instead of crying. He was damn right! He should have asked. Maybe he should ask his own regalias too… But Takemikazuchi didn't have time to meditate on his behavior, and the proper solutions, Kiun knocked on Bishamon's door. There was no answer. Kiun knocked again and again, without any answer, so Takemikazuchi were fed up and thrust back the door. The scene, they witnessed, made them drop their chin. In the room an other young girl was standing backwards to them, and whipped a sword on the edge of a table. The little girl had long, blond hair, otherwise she was naked.

" Shut up! Shut up! You are too loud, shut up! " She cried, and whipped the sword to the table with matching rhythm.

She turned back as she heard the noise, the two men made. Takemikazuchi and Kiun was unable to decide whether she was a regalia, or… But at the moment they saw her dragon-shaped pupils, made everything clear.

»Ane-sama is in trouble!«

The little girl told them. Yes. Bishamonten was in trouble. Definitely. It became inevitable. But neither of them thought of THIS trouble. They all were speechless for a few minutes, just stared at each other. The girl to the messengers of Heaven, and the men to the reborn Goddess of War.

" Are you Kazuma? " She asked them finally.

" No. I am Kiun, and this is my master, Takemikazuchi-sama. "

Kiun answered to the girl, and cowered, not to frighten the young, inexperienced Goddess. Reborn gods were troublesome, and dangerous. Takemikazuchi's recent incarnation was so bad at handling his power in the beginning, that every regalia had to watch him, not to explode the whole house. Twice a day was the minimum. Ebisu's recent incarnation, who was still a child, got always lost, and his exemplar had to tumble the worlds after him, at least once a week. So newborn gods need a proper, strict supervision, and it was tiresome. But it was necessary. Why didn't they find a single regalia to watch over their little mistress?

" Where are your Regalias? " Kiun finally asked the sad Goddess.

" Dunno..."

The girl's answer was so sad, and she seemed so lonely and lost, Kiun pitied her. He opened his arms. The little goddess understood him, threw away her sword, and ran into the embrace of the man. At the same moment she started crying. Kiun wreathed his arms around her, and tried to soothe the little girl. He felt her body's cold, especially her legs, and her arms felt ice cold around Kiun's neck. She was so tiny and frail! Didn't she had any regalia to watch her and dress her up?

" Do you know your name? " Kiun asked her gently.

" I am Bishamonten. " The goddess answered hiccuping.

" Where are your regalias? "

" I don't know. They went away to search for Kazuma."

Kiun and Takemikazuchi exchanged a surprised gaze. Kazuma, a Blessed Regalia was not by his Goddess' side? In these critical times? They both remembered, how upset he was when he finally got his injured goddess back, and how carefully he scooped Bishamonten up and brought her home. Why did he leave? What's happened? Their gaze wandered to the previously beaten sword, then to the weeping goddess, and again back to the sword. They were wrong. Her regalias didn't leave her alone, one of them stayed. But the regalias underestimated a newborn god's awkwardness, and he or she was summoned by the child. It was not Kazuma, since he was an earring, more suitable for the girls' taste, and Bishamonten didn't wear him.

" Revert your sword, please!"

Kiun asked the little goddess, wanted to speak someone more talkative. But the little one shook her head. Kiun tried several times, but Bishamonten was adamant to refuse to revert her sword. Takemikazuchi also tried to convince her to revert her regalia, and he was not so mild, as Kiun. He didn't achieve anything, but made the little goddess stop crying, and getting angry.

" Are you sure you are not Kazuma? " She asked Kiun again. When he nodded, she continued. " Do you want to be my Kazuma? I want you to!"

The girl's sweet smile was so cute, that Kiun was left speechless. He had an urgent feeling to fulfill the little one's wish. She was cute and adorable, comparing to Takemikazuchi, but in case of disciplining regalias, like the sword at the table, she was worse than him. She also lost her Blessed Vessel somehow. Well, for Kiun, changing masters was an option, worth for considering. He was so immersed in his thoughts, he didn't notice Takemikazuchi's color changes. At first his master was all red from rage, as another god wants to steal his exemplar, but as Kiun's denial late, and he seemed to thinking of being another god's regalia, the blood went out of his face. He also had wavering feelings toward Kiun. He wasn't sure to keep him as his exemplar, but didn't want to lose him either. Kiun was strong. The strongest among Takemikazuchi's regalias. The loss of him would be a heavy blow on his strength. But did either of them want to continue together?

" Hoy, Baby Chick! Look, what have you got here! "


End file.
